Yesterday, on the way to pick Caroline up from school, I was listening to the Dr. Oz show on the radio. He had some guy on talking about relationships and something was said that struck me. I forget the issue he was discussing but he gave the example of parents telling their kids to clean up their rooms. He said that if a parent says "Your room is always a mess. It's never clean. I want it cleaned up right now!" then the child hears---you are a mess...you never do anything right. And they won't want to clean it. Instead you should say, "I know you don't like living in a messy room. I bet if you work really hard, you can have this room picked up by tomorrow." This instead, gives a child hope and a goal to reach. Well, Caroline's room has the potential to be messy 95% of the time. She is very organized but a mess at the same time--I know that doesn't make sense. For example, she'll take all of her Barbies or My Little Ponies and have them lined up very neatly, but in the middle of the room or in front of her closet door. Or she'll take a pair of her shoes and have them side by side, but inside the shoes will be some crayons, some ripped up paper stuffed in an empty toilet paper roll with a hair bow attached. This can really annoy an anal mother like me:)
So when we were on our way home from school, I said, "Caroline, I noticed today how messy your room was. I know you don't like having a messy room because you are not a messy girl. I bet if you work really hard you can have a clean room by the end of the week!". This morning, she came downstairs and told me very proudly that she had cleaned up her room last night when she went to bed! I didn't even have to push her! Maybe this will work??!!
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And speaking of parenting, if you like to read--or even if you don't--you need to read this book.
I had heard a lot about it over the last two weeks so out of curiosity, I got it and I could not put it down! It's written as a story, so it's very easy and fun to read. Basically, this lady (who is Chinese) explains the difference between Chinese parenting and Western parenting. I agreed with some of her points, but her parenting approach is a little on the harsh side, I thought. What interested me was that her two daughters took piano and violin lessons from the Suzuki method. This is the same method Caroline takes and the method I grew up taking. Her observations about Western parents and Suzuki fit me to a "t"! If anything, I realized that I need to do a better job with Caroline's practicing of the piano. Read the book. It's very interesting and it will probably make you thankful for your Western Mommy!!! I love mine and I'm so thankful she let me be a care-free child!
3 comments:
I love this post! Okay, I have heard about this before with the phrasing of words. Like if your kid is about to run into the street you shouldn't say.."Don't run into the street!" because that puts emphasis on the street, but instead you should say..." when you get to the sidewalk, STOP". I'm totally gonna try the messy room thing with Will. You oughta see it. Disaster. And I saw a clip of the Tiger mom on GMA last week. They were drilling her pretty hard about her parenting style. They made her sound like she was abusive about grades and locking them in the house? I'm curious too.
I like this post....lots of good advice. It's too bad that grandparents like me sometimes regret doing things the way we did when our children were growing up. I guess we have a second chance with our grandchildren. I'm going to try hard to watch what I say.
I am LOL at your description of Carolines room and the empty TP roll in her shoes. Too funny, but so classic for kids. Adam accumulates the oddest things in his room. I am going to try your technique.
I saw the Tiger Mom on the Today show and she scared me! :) I get the main point she is trying to make and that Western" parents could learn a thing or two from the Asian cultures, but I think she took it about 10 steps too far. I would be interested to see what the book says. I might have to pick it up.
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